The Ex Outlet

Kids. It’s a tricky subject in the dating world. It can bring a lovely romance to a streaking halt or can turn a great date into a great disaster.

Love them, hate them, have them, or want them, when do you bring them up in a new relationship?

If you are dating online, the air is usually cleared before the first email is sent by a series of questions. However, if you are one of the 56 million single Americans in the offline dating jungle, this subject can get sticky.

So you’re a woman that wants kids: Your biological clock is ticking and babies make you drool. Evolution hasn’t exactly caught up to societal changes. You don’t want to settle, but you don’t exactly have time to waste dating Joe, who is a less successful, less handsome version of George Clooney. The tabloids are not there to warn you that he will never give you babies. How long do you wait to find out he is your everyday George? 1 year? 5 years? You don’t want to scare him off, because he might turn out to be your everyday Brad Pitt. And nothing would make you happier than that.

So you’re a woman that doesn’t want kids: Your body is your own. Your career is HOT. You love to travel. The thought of reproducing in this overpopulated, cruel world doesn’t exactly excite you. Neither does the prospect of gaining 60 lbs nor having your insides ripped and sewn. You identify with Liz Gilbert. You will also make a really great Aunt. You want a life-partner, but you don’t want babies. Not exactly a thrilling first-date conversation, especially not while your date is talking about throwing footballs around with his unborn children.

So you’re a woman that has kids: They are at home with a baby-sitter. You are worried your one with ADHD is driving the sitter crazy and your pre-teen isn’t crazy about the fact that mom is on a date with someone other than her babies’ daddy. You love them to pieces, but are secretly scared that they might drive your McDreamy right out of the back door. He says he loves children, but then again, you live in reality and your kids are not the Brady’s.

Although there is no perfect time to broach the subject of kids, here are a few rules to live by.

1. A first date is NOT a good time for talking about your children, born or unborn. This is a great time to learn about each other. If you make it past this point, you can bring it up later. This applies even to men. If you think women find it attractive that you love kids, save it for a later date to let her know just how much you are dying to spread your seed.

2. Believe what your partner tells you. If a man or a woman does not want kids, listen to them! Do not think that another year or two with you will change their mind. If this is a deal breaker for you, let the deal break and move on.

3. Don’t judge people based on their preferences for children. People that want them are not ignorant; people that do not want them are not selfish. People that have them could probably use a night off. Be a good friend and offer to babysit. A night of babysitting as an adult might make you really know if children are right for you.

4. Don’t wait too long to have this conversation. While it’s not great first date material, it’s definitely not one year anniversary material (Especially if you are over thirty.)