The Ex Outlet

Feeling sad? Like can’t get out of bed, can’t stop crying, can’t eat, can’t breathe kind of sad? If you are reading this, you are probably experiencing a stage of heartbreak. Well, what you are feeling is completely normal. It is called GRIEF and there is a reason the word intense is in its definition.

If you are feeling this for the person you’ve been dating for three weeks, you might need to go see a therapist, and for completely different reasons. If you are feeling this after a long term relationship is over, allow yourself to experience the sorrow. Even though it is impossible to imagine now, it really does get better.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the stages of grief in ’69 (ironically a position that likely got you here!). The stages are meant to describe the process that humans cope with tragedy, such as the loss of a loved one due to a divorce or a break-up.

Below we walk you through the stages of grief so you know what to expect while going through your journey. Experts say we don’t necessarily experience them all at the same time, so don’t worry if you are not “on track”. The great thing to know is that with time, the fifth stage does eventually come.

1. Denial- Also known as the shock stage. You can’t believe this is happening. This was not a part of the plan. She/He might come back. You were never a big fan of reality anyway. You might feel like a walking zombie for a while.

2. Anger – You are pissed. Maybe you are angry at your partner or maybe you are angry at yourself. You will likely want to take it out on someone. You may feel jealous of others that are seemingly happy or in stable relationships. It’s probably not the best time for you to be in a bridal party. It’s not nice to have divorce stats running through your head at a rehearsal dinner.

3. Bargaining – Well if you can’t have it all, you start to bargain. It’s human nature. It’s why Facebook has “It’s complicated” as a relationship status. You might bargain with your partner “Can we just be friends?” or “I don’t mind if we have an open relationship” to avoid the tremendous loss.

4. Depression - Break out the Kleenex. I didn’t know it was possible for a human to produce as many tears as I did. If you aren’t a crier, you might find yourself spacing out, or not being your typical self. It might be hard to get up in the mornings. You might find yourself begging your therapist for meds at this point to make the pain stop.

5. Acceptance – Ahh, finally. So maybe a little RX cocktail or a one night stand helped you get here. That doesn’t matter, you’ve made it. You realize that there is life after a break-up or that you are capable of loving again after a divorce. Everyone is on their own schedule, so if it takes you a little (or a lot) longer to get here than your friend Jane, don’t judge yourself. You will get here.